“Is she even listening?” I thought as I could hear her type away on the computer.
I continued on for a few minutes and would stop abruptly, almost as if to test her.
“Mmhmm” she mumbled.
It made me second guess myself, throwing me into a tailspin.
Am I not giving her the right, or BEST information?
Did I not hear her properly when she said she needed help?
Maybe I’m wasting her time.
Luckily, I was able to stop these thoughts in their tracks.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Her lack of participation had nothing to do with me.
She’d say things like, “I already know that” or “I’ve tried that a million times.”
And for a moment, though it made me feel small - I knew she was responding out of frustration.
She desperately wanted to feel heard and listened to, though she couldn’t give me that same respect.
It’s funny the things we project onto other people.
(And funnier that her solution was sitting right on the other end of the line getting irritated)
If you’re feeling lost, helpless or glossed over, you may ignore or criticize the people trying to help.
For example -
If you’re feeling inadequate or untrustworthy, maybe you’ll doubt everyone else around you.
If you’re feeling fat and bloated, chances are you’ll give some side eye when a hottie with a body walks into the bar.
Double eye roll points when she orders a beer with a burger and fries.
And if feel unheard, you’ll give no weight to what others say.
The best news is - this is an opportunity to drill down to the source.
What’s bothering you today?
What are you getting upset about?
Explore it.
Ask yourself “Why is this upsetting me?”
During this conversation, there were a few minutes where I felt angry.
As I explored it later, I realized I’m always trying to prove myself to others.
She wasn’t listening to me and rather than saying - welp, she’s a moron for not taking my advice…
I took it as a personal attack against me and my professional capabilities.
Yep, I gave away my power just like that.
Deep down, I want everyone to think I’m smart, and thus to desperately want to work with me.
I hope I’m not alone in that.
I want you to think I’m great and tell me I’m awesome.
It sounds stupid, but it’s true.
We’re all craving that validation in one way or another.
And once we go to the source and see WHY we feel that way, we get a better understanding of…
What makes us, well… us?
In this example, I realized I often feel voiceless, under appreciated and overlooked.
As the person in the backend of people’s businesses, I don’t step into the spotlight unless I have to.
As I journaled, something funny came up:
An experience my childhood (always the case): when my sister wrote MY name on HER pillow person.
As hard as I argued, I still got punished for something I didn’t do.
In that moment, I probably made a decision that taking a stand for myself didn’t matter. They didn’t listen anyway.
Came down to: I obviously had nothing of value to say.. so ultimately, I wasn’t good enough.
***
So before you shoot back something deliciously snarky, take a step back.
See it as an opportunity to dig deeper.
Ask yourself - “What lesson is available to me in all of this?”
It’s hard.
Really hard.. especially when all you want to do is hang up…
Leave.
Cry.
Stay.
Or say something you know you’ll regret (ahh but it feels so good at the time).
I can tell you.. I haven’t mastered it yet..
But those glimpses of insight are so worth it.
So let me ask you this:
Where do you feel wronged? Ignored? Angry?
Play around with this and let me know how it goes. We’re in this together, remember?
Thank you for taking the time and allowing me to unravel this little thread in my head.
I hope this resonated with you. If so, share it with someone you feel needs to hear this.
Explore you. Get to know YOU… and start today.